award ceremony

i am not going to win 'saver of the month,' or 'blogger of the month' for the month of august. i'll maybe win 'hottest mess' or 'biggest disaster,' but i have a feeling one or two people i know could pull those out as wins.

life's hit me hard the past month or so. i haven't been following through on anything. not blogging, not saving, not running, or cleaning, or organizing.

i actually feel a bit like i am falling apart at my already fraying seams. i have no idea what my bank accounts look like, my apartment is a mess, i'm broke, out of shape, too tired, too busy, and all around overwhelmed.

this happens. i'm not the only one. i'm trying not to have a big fat pity party for myself but i have to get it under control. all of it.

i need my accounts to settle. i need to deep clean my apartment,  sleep 8 hours every night, hit the gym, stop planning myself to the minute everyday, never saying no, worrying, fretting, freaking out. man, i do sound like a disaster.

i have this problem, of feeling overwhelmed and building on that instead of fixing it. i procrastinate. i 'solve' not working out with drinking, i  'solve' not being frugal with spending, i 'solve' being too busy with making plans, and panicking about life in general with taking a 'it'll fix itself' approach.

so. i'm reeling it in.
i'm going home tonight and cleaning my apartment until bed.
i'm getting rest.
i'm hitting the gym tomorrow and everyday following tomorrow.
i'm prepping meals and cutting out the lunch breaks.
i'm tackling all my projects at work that have been stressing me out.
and, i'm not buying anything else until the end of the month.


i wish i were one of those people that could live their life without stress. a carefree person. i always look at those people with envy. i am so high stress all the time. i can't get away from it. i need to chill the hell out and do the things that i know make my stress better, rather than worse.

i have a feeling it'll be november before i feel less stress.
avoid me until then, if possible.

xoxo ashleycolean

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